The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present: The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #48, September 2001

When John Lennon married his first wife, Cynthia, in August of 1962, it was such a secret that not even Ringo was told. The Beatles didn't want to discourage any female fans that might fancy John. It was thought that without this "love interest" the band's remaining charms would not provide a sufficient attraction, and their popularity would plummet. In contrast, I'm boldly using my band's newsletter to announce to the world (well, okay, to a few hundred people) that Rebecca Myers and I will be married on September 15th.

Why do I think our modest group can withstand a blow that even the Beatles feared? Well, if your music is earning a million dollars a year, contemplating the loss of -- say 10% -- might mean you cannot buy that lovely country cottage. If your music is earning hundreds of dollars a year, however, a loss of the same percentage might mean changing to a generic brand of macaroni and cheese. Perhaps a more significant differentiating factor is that on a continuum of sex appeal I score much closer to the Don Knotts extreme.

No forewarning could prepare me for the magnitude of "necessary" preparations that can be conjured by a bride and her mother, nor the level of stress these preparations can create in the mind of an otherwise very level-headed woman. Ultimately, I think there is a very old and wise plan at work here: as Becca becomes completely overwhelmed in her planning, her mind is taken off the fact that she's about to make a colossal blunder. Oh, I know some of you might speak up on my good points: dogs like me, I'm a good source of hair for natural wigs, and I've never performed with the Up With People singing group, but let's face it, anyone who funnels all their discretionary income to seedy underground recording studios in order to capture "funny" songs is not exactly a hot meal ticket. This bright, beautiful, talented, and well-balanced young woman is about to marry a songwriter whose only love song was written to Resusci Annie, the CPR manikin. Perhaps that " well-balanced " accolade should be investigated more fully.

The incredible pressure placed upon the bride is in a small way repaid by the fact that roughly 90% of all wedding gifts are for her. Don't get me wrong; I think this is a fair arrangement - she's done all the work. Although I'm very appreciative for all the lovely plates and cups and dishes, let's be honest - if I really liked this kind of stuff I'd probably be marrying a man.

One of our gifts came from Becca's great aunt Dotty. A large box was filled with brightly colored paper cups and plates: the Spiderman cups stand out in my mind. We'd decided that the advancement of years had diminished Dotty's judgment to better fit her name when we found the card. Her handwritten note explained that our future will include some trying times and when these occur we should give ourselves a break from doing dishes. She also enclosed a Home Depot gift certificate. I now have a new favorite relative.

Want a swell gift idea? Simply show up to the first Auto Body Experience gig featuring a married bandleader. It happens on Sept 29 when we'll play a benefit for St. Joseph's Home for Children (see below). Don't hesitate to email or call for more details. On November 15th we're at the Uptown Bar, likely joined by Deep 7 (featuring all 4 members of Slip Twister), so mark your calendar AND put some kind of note on the fridge (November is a long way off)!

-Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh Bah, The Auto Body Experience

Sat, Sept 29: Benefit for St. Josephs Home for Children: Joseph Meyer Gymnasium, Corner of Prior & Marshal Aves in St. Paul. Tickets are $5 - This show is open to people of all ages. Doors open at 6:00, music begins at 7:00, it's likely that we wont play until 9:00; details are still a bit sketchy - feel free to email me for details

Thurs, Nov 15: The Uptown Bar where we'll likely be joined by Deep Seven, a group featuring all 4 members of Slip Twister. We play at 9:00 PM. 3018 S. Hennepin Ave, Minneapolis - 612-823-4719

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