The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present: The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #45, March 2001


Regular recipients of these missives are all too familiar with Gizmo, my 80 pound Shepherd mix. Becca, my fiancée, stopped by after work the other day while wearing an office-appropriate short skirt. Gizmo greeted her at the door and followed her around the house as she did a few errands before racing off to a stranger’s house for some important theater company business.


Upon her arrival she was again greeted by a dog, and this one was very interested in Gizmo’s scent on her legs. He wasn’t being rude, he was just smelling another dog’s odor on some lady’s thighs. Apparently things looked a little different to the host and honored guests who heard this stranger saying: “Are you sniffing my little Gizmo?” to the dog with his nose up her skirt.


Personally, when I TRY to be offensive I rarely seem to rile anyone. Like slipping on an icy sidewalk, I find that it happens most often when it’s the furthest thing from my mind. One of our newer songs, “Six Friends”, was inspired at work when a fellow came to explain our new phone system. After his demonstration we were invited to try out what we’d learned on the sample phones he’d set up. Figuring I’d have more fun counting dust mites, I was headed for the door when our presenter asked if I didn’t want to try things out. Thinking of a six pack I had in the fridge I quickly stammered: “Uh, I’ve got some friends waiting for me at home - ” and bolted.


In the verse of the song I hint at the truthful nature of my “friends”: I open up the fridge - its bulb lights up the room/ I’m warmed to see my friends who’ll raise my spirits high... I’d taught the song to the band, and we’d rehearsed it a few times when Max Wendt, our Wisconsin- born saxophone player, commented on what a “dark” tune it was. It turns out that Max thought the song was about Jeffrey Dahmer, the infamous Milwaukee serial killer whose victims sometimes ended up in his Frigidaire.


Well, that’s the second newsletter in a row where Dahmer’s name has been mentioned; and I know better. I think it’s time for me to make another appointment at the mental health clinic. In the meantime, we hope you’ll come and hear us play; it’s cheaper than therapy. On Wednesday March 14 we’ll play the first set at the Uptown Bar, starting at 9:00 PM. On Saturday, April 7 we’ll be in nearby River Falls Wisconsin at the grand opening of the new Coffee Cottage. Details are still a little sketchy, but we’ll probably start around 7:30 PM. We WILL play two sets, so it might be a good opportunity to hear some even more obscure tunes. As always, feel free to call us, the venue, or give us an email to confirm the gig before driving all the way from Milwaukee as plans can change...

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