The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present:
The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #42, June 2000

One dark and stormy afternoon our friend Kent was trying to drive home from work. A furious gusting rainstorm had ground traffic to a standstill. Visibility was worse than in the excruciatingly insecure teetotalling couple's honeymoon suite. Fallen trees were forcing detours. A fifteen-minute trip turned into an hour. Then, just a few blocks from his home, Kent saw something that made him smile. A big smile. An "all concern has been lifted from my soul" smile. As his car crawled past the State Fairgrounds, he read the sign: "Tonight Only - In The Grandstands: Kenny G!"

Personally, I'm not down with dogging other musicians: while I heartily endorse ridiculing certain bass players for their inability to ARRIVE anywhere on time, I figure if you don't like BoyGeorgeMichaelJacksonBrown's MUSIC, you simply shouldn't listen to it, no matter how successful or out-of-tune it is. Sadly, I think our CD sales prove that I'm not the only person who has adopted this approach. That said, I just read a fascinating diatribe by guitarist Pat Metheny in which he ROASTS Kenny G. If you're interested, visit the Q&A section of and look for "Other Musicians".

My fascination with Mr. Metheny's rant is yet another example of how we humans seem to thrive on conflict, a concept that has always seemed a little strange to this Midwesterner who avoids conflict from my personal life like Anita Bryant avoids All Male Musical Revues in San Francisco. Although I'm one of those annoying people who constantly brags about how they don't watch TV, I've heard a lot about the new show "Survivor" where a bunch of people are stranded on an island and forced to help each other. What makes this intriguing is that every so often the group decides who should be next kicked off the island, with the last survivor winning a million dollars. One commentator pointed out that it's this "Lord Of The Flies" conflict that draws viewers; we love the conflict and we especially like to see those we hate get in trouble, ala JR in "Dallas".

I've developed my own variation on the "Survivors" show where the emphasis isn't on hate. Combining elements of "Candid Camera" and "On The Road", I'd send a "hidden" camera crew across the country in search of people doing exemplary work in basic service jobs. We might follow someone into a fast food joint and see what happens. Ideally we'd capture instances when the customer gets REALLY GOOD service. Then Ed McMahon's grandson will appear and give that service provider $10,000 (you'd hate to give them so much that they'd leave the service industry). Then we might show some background footage on the honored recipient; how they take care of grandma, nurture stray cats, bathe the lepers, etc... Every 12 weeks, the show's viewers would pick which recipient would win a million bucks. If ratings sagged, we could always send our crew into Adult Entertainment complexes. I believe that customer satisfaction is no less important in a XXX bookstore.

Those who seek simultaneous conflict, ill-tuned woodwinds, and adult entertainment might not care, but the Auto Body Experience is playing at the Fine Line on Wednesday, June 28. We'll play at 9:00. Terramara and a third group will follow. USE THIS CARD FOR ONE FREE ADMISSION AT THE FINE LINE. If enough cards are submitted, they might have us back, so call me at 651-699-6393 if you'd like some additional cards. Remember: one admission per card. (Obviously if you're reading this on your computer, you don't have the card in front of you, so give me a call, huh?)

-Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh-Bah, Knights of the Auto Order

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