The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present:
THE AUTO BODY ESTIMATE: Vol. II, #39, August 1999

Our trumpet player Tom Twiss and I just finished the Twin Cities to Chicago AIDS ride. This is where 1800 people ride their bicycles from Minneapolis to Chicago in 6 days to raise money for local organizations that provide services to people with AIDS. As you might imagine, this provided me with many opportunities to meet all kinds of different people, and a lot of time for my mind to wander while I pedaled.

Just one of my top 100 favorite things about lesbians? Unlike their straight female counterparts, THEY don't want to date me because I'm TOO much of a man. Hanging out with gay men has inspired me to come out of the closet on an issue that I've been a little ashamed of: I am a geek. The fact that I'm going to talk about computers for the next few sentences is proof. Steve Jobs resurrected Macintosh Computers last year by releasing the iMac. With this machine, Steve prophesized the demise of floppy drives, as he chose not to include one. Other great innovations included the use of color on the box in which the computer resides. Last week Apple released its revolutionary laptop version, called the iBook. The big innovation here is that the damn thing doesn't have a microphone nor a mic input. Apparently Steve doesn't see much support for SOUND in the next millennium. The revelation that there's no future in sound hit me especially hard, as I had just shelled out $69 for a new guitar tuner. I guess I should have spent the $ on piercings instead.

On my way back from Chicago, I visited the Circus Museum in Baraboo, WI. There I saw some photos of Emmett Kelly and Red Skelton. If someone had partially nude pictures of either of these famous clowns, who dressed up as bums, would this be the hoboerotic art that I've heard so much about?

Finally, I'd like to observe a moment of silence for the passing of JFK Jr., although I have to admit that I was relieved when I found out that his wife and her sister weren't related to Jacqueline Bisset, T-shirt wearing star of the 1977 underwater thriller "The Deep", with whom I formed a special bond with while still in the 8th grade. I don't really have any problem with the millions of dollars spent recovering their bodies, I just felt a little cheated when they turned around and threw their ashes back in the water a day later. Then again, I never have understood the whole concept of catch-and-release.

Speaking of real bad taste, The Auto Body Experience will be playing on Friday the 13th of August at Big V's (also known as Christiansens). It's in St. Paul, on University Ave just East of Snelling. Cartoon Water will play the first set, and we'll play the second two sets starting around 10:30. On Friday the 27th we're playing from 7:00 to 9:00 at the lovely (and out-of-doors) Veteran's Park in nearby River Falls, WI; take 94E past Hudson to Exit 3 South (Hwy 35), then take the exit for River Falls Main Street. Head south and look to your right for the park with the flag. Although it's unlikely we'd have our recently completed new CD at either gig (I expect we'll see that in September) we will debut new songs. Call our hotline for directions or last minute changes.

As a final thought, Richard Pryor used to say the cocaine was God's way of letting you know that you make too much money. I wonder what God's trying to say with Beanie Babies?

-Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh-Bah, Knights Of The Auto Order

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