The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present:
The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #27, July '96:

Gizmo, my 74 pound mutt, loves to have people try to catch him. If you've ever tried to catch a dog that didn't want to be caught, you know how slippery they can be. I was thinking that pro football players should study dogs to acquire some of their evasive techniques. In fact, some players may be able to pick up some important social skills at the same time. Ultimately, however, it may be pointless to train humans to do that which dogs will always do better.

Ever heard of Arena Football? It's a new version of football with redesigned rules that make it a faster and more exciting sport to watch. (Isn't it scary to think that conventional football is too slow and intellectual for some viewers?) Personally, I think they've been too timid in their transformations. I'd replace the receivers with dogs, who'd catch a Frisbee (instead of the football) in their mouths. To avoid canine injury, tackling would be replaced with the flag football approach, where the dogs would wear attractive little belts with Velcro-attached flags that could be pulled off by the defense.

In addition to the improvement of the game's speed (and a great reduction in players' salaries), dogs would also add the element of the unexpected, which could be further utilized for entertainment value. Any time a dog is indiscreet on the field, the crowd could be required to take a sip, much as you are duty-bound to drink whenever someone says: "Hi, Goober" during re-runs of The Andy Griffith Show. Beer sponsorships are guaranteed.

My brainstorming has not been limited to football: the Auto Body Experience has been updated as well. You may have noticed the addition of keyboard player Mike Dripps at the Dread Zeppelin gig last month. Mike will sport his new haircut when we play at the 400 Bar on Thursday, July 4th. We're part of a 4 band/4 dollar Cake Magazine Showcase with February, National Dynamite and Slide Coaster. We'll hit the stage around 10:00 pm.

On Tuesday July 23 we'll be interviewed by Mary Lucia on Rev 105's "Something Else", broadcast live from Nye's Polonaise room. The show airs at 10:00 pm and may include live tracks recorded in the REV studios. Call 333-1105 for details. We also have a tentative booking at the Cabooze on Thursday, August 29. I suspect Machinery Hill and another wonderful group (to be named later) will join us. Taking full advantage of the spacious Cabooze stage, we will again feature Max and Tom of the Car Horns on this gig. Call the Cabooze (338-6425) or the ABE Hotline at 699-6393 before booking your travel arrangements as plans can, and often times do, change.

Finally, our Web Site ( is undergoing a dramatic overhaul. Check it out in a week or two.

-Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh-Bah, Knights of the Auto Order

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