The Ministry of Cropaganda Presents the Official Newsletter of The Knights of The Auto Order
Volume II, No. 20
The Auto Body Estimate Ep. XXXXII, June '94

It seems like just yesterday when Nancy Kerrigan was whining about how Mickey Mouse and Tonya Harding were all part of the JFK conspiracy, and it got me thinking; didn't the Olympics used to happen every four years? Now seem like they happen every 6 months. And there are good reasons to do this, not the least of which concern the well-being of the hundreds of camera operators and commentators who are unemployed in the off years. In an effort to find honest work for these folks, I thought heck, lets have them cover rock concerts: twenty different camera angles of Eric Clapton's fingers! Freeze-frame facial grimaces! And if we could just turn the concerts into competitions - just think of the commentators: "An F# over a D minor chord! He couldn't have meant to do that! Oh, he's not happy with that at all.... ...let's look at the instant replay!"

The guy next to me at Cognac McCarthy's (forgive me if it wasn't Dan Newton) added the final touch: what if the major labels started acting like managers of sports teams and began trading players of rock groups? "Aerosmith trades guitarist Joe Perry to Guns N Roses for Slash and two background singers to be named later. Now we're really talking modern!

Speaking of modern, while goofing off at work the other day, I sent Gerry, my computer geek pal and neighbor, an e-mail message. (For the technically minded, I was logged onto AOL, and I sent him a message at his internet address.) Anyway, we live right across the street from each other, and I could have waited till we both were home later that day to ask to borrow his lawn mower. Instead I had to utilize this ultramodern, time-saving convenience tool. But I began to wonder just how far my message had to travel to get to his house. Well, Gerry, being a little more technically minded then myself actually put a tracer on it, and found that it went to St. Louis, Chicago, Cleveland, and Hartford. This struck me as a perfect analogy of just how damn useful all these gadgets are: the good news is that we're racing down the infobahn at 200mph! The bad new is that we've been going the wrong way for the last three hours! But perhaps that's just me sounding like an old fart. And old I am - here's how I know: if anyone asks me if I'm stiff, the first body part that comes to mind is my back.

And now, back to the Auto Body Experience. June is going to be a busy month for us! On Friday, June 17, we'll play (without Matt, our drummer) at Kapoochi's, a cool, swank, jazz club at 815 Nicollet Mall. We'll do sorta acoustic versions of ABE tunes as well as jazzier numbers. Although they don't allow drummers in the joint, Matt has agreed to show up in a non-drumming capacity as long as we pry him with drinks. The next week, after Erik moves into my house, we go into the studio to begin working on the final tunes of our new CD which (you heard it here first) WILL be out by the end of the year. Then on Thursday, June 30, the Auto Body Experience will warm up Adrian Belew at First Avenue! If you don't know who Mr. Belew is, he is one of Scott's favorite humans, who's been a member of Frank Zappa's band as well as the Talking Heads and King Crimson. If you don't know who they are, he has also recorded with David Bowie, Laurie Anderson, and he plays on Paul Simon's Graceland. If you don't know who they are, stay home. But otherwise, you'll want to check this out our coolest gig yet! (Or at least since the slide show at the bowling alley...) If you can't get the cash for the ticket, give us a call and we'll see if we can't make you carry our gear in for us - don't miss this one!

Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh-Bah, The Knights of The Auto Order

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