The Ministry of Cropaganda Presents the Official Newsletter of The Knights of The Auto Order

Volume II, Num, 16 The Auto Body Estimate Episode XXXVIII May '93


Holly and I have long wished that we could afford a membership to the YMCA -- not to do the Stairmaster® so we look swell at Lake Calhoun in our Spandex, but because exercise is supposed to combat stress, improve sleep, and provide energy. I even went so far as to go looking at some athletic footwear when I overheard some people discussing "cross training shoes". Despite my small-town upbringing, I'm pleased to say that I know these are shoes for men who want to learn how to walk in high heels. Anyway, we were thrilled when we received a trial membership as a gift. We excitedly planned our first visit: some racquetball followed by a swim, a soak in the hot tub, a sauna, and a shower. We called to reserve a racquetball court, and prepared to leave when Holly got a call from her long-lost step sister. While they talked, I packed up all our things, got our coats, warmed up the car, turned it around, and re-read War and Peace. When Holly finally got off the phone with minutes to spare, we raced to downtown St. Paul. Unfortunately, for reasons known only to doughnut store employees, every parking meter was covered with a Police Order No Parking bag. After a frantic search for a space, we decided to spend the money on the lot. Of course this assumed we'd find a space in the lot -- which we eventually did -- on the roof. So we run into our respective locker rooms to change, where I'm greeted by a naked guy reading the paper on the bench, and finally sprint up the stairs to find that four guys have taken our court. Fortunately, the next was empty, so we adapted, and we're just warming up when Mr. Napoleon Complex starts yelling that we've taken his court and that the desk manager is on his way. After a hasty retreat we decided that swimming some laps might suit us better. I finally gave up after wrongfully bumping heads with a furious, muscular, tattooed woman who was certain I was the cause of all her problems. We barely escaped with our lives.

Now, a week later, we've resorted to our old Sunday exercise regimen; drinking beer, eating pizza and watching suspense thrillers on video. If we wanted, we could probably throw in drug abuse and gun play -- and the whole package would be less stressful and more healthy that a trip to the Y.

Speaking of drug abuse, I was listening to MPR and I was troubled by what I overheard just as I shut off the car - something about hundreds of Nancy Drew fans getting together to discuss their heroin. Sounds frightening - in fact, the only thing more frightening I can think of would be a month without an Auto Body Experience gig. Please make us a part of you health program: If you like us, we'll help reduce stress, and if you don't we may facilitate sleep; either way, you win!

On Sunday, May 16 we're playing at the newly expanded 400 Bar with Halibujenkins warming us up. If you haven't seen or heard the new 400, you'll be thrilled! If you bring lots of friends, Bill will give us a better night next time! We're also playing two sets before Reynold's Remarkable Rhythm Cattle up at The Rox Bar in St. Cloud on Wednesday, May 19, following the Cattle's KVSC/UTVS performance on the 17th.

Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh-Bah, Knights of the Auto Order

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