The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present: The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #116, July 2014

Some coworkers and I recently visited a sports bar to watch a World Cup game. Because I don't go to sports bars often, I'm not up on all the terminology. We ordered our food, and after a long time passed it still hadn't arrived. Figuring that I would increase the likelihood that the food would be served in my absence, I selflessly went to the restroom.

Is that what they call "taking one for the team?"

In a somewhat tangentially-related thought, I recently read an article in the Star Tribune about the growing body of evidence suggesting that dogs can detect cancer by smell: one study found they can identify prostate cancer with 98% accuracy simply by smelling urine samples.

I am proud to report that in 1998 I predicted that dogs' superior senses could be used for diagnosis. Really. Check out paragraph 2 of Estimate #34.

Okay, so my plan was to use their sense of hearing to detect automotive engine problems, but still, I was on the right track. At least one page on the Internet suggests that dogs detect sounds in the approximate frequency range of 67-45,000 Hz, while humans detect sounds in the approximate range of 64-23,000 Hz, so there may be some merit to my observation that Gizmo could recognize the signature sound of my car's engine that was unique (even among examples of a similar make and model) due to his ability to hear high frequency engine sounds that I cannot. (Dogs' inability to hear equally low frequencies may also explain why he always turned up the bass on my stereo whenever I left the house).

Today's leading researchers have simply refined my idea by using the dog's sense of smell. It turns out that while a dog's brain is one-tenth the size of a human brain, the part of a dog's brain that registers smell is 40 % larger than that in humans, and a dog's sense of smell may be 10,000,000 more sensitive.

While this doesn't explain – at least to my satisfaction – dogs' interest in urine, it seems like a good idea to harness their super power for the forces of good. Plus, dogs will sniff pee anyway so it's not like they’re being subjected to a hardship. This is simply leveraging their strengths and interests.

I suspect my greatest strengths may lie in creating music, rather than scientific research. For example, my ability to remember Jimmy Page guitar riffs is approximately 10,000,000 times better than my ability to remember even the most general information about the Periodical Table of Elements, let alone do any Trigomotry.

Accordingly, great minds are putting me and the entire Auto Body Experience to work playing music. On Saturday, August 2nd, we’ll be performing as part of the ICE CREAM, PEANUT BUTTER, & JAM at Merriam Park in St. Paul. This outdoor festival is free, and open to the public, with free IZZY'S ice cream and performances from noon to 7:30 PM, starting with music for kids and ending with music for grown-ups. Given our emotional maturity, the Auto Body Experience is right in the middle, likely playing from 2:30 to 3:30. Check the event's Facebook page for details and to let them know you're coming, so they can have enough ice cream on hand.

Finally, I'd like to clear one thing up. This summer I've seen several signs advertising "Vacation Bible School," and that's just not right. I'm not saying that Bible School can't be fun, but let's be honest; it's either school, or it's vacation. It can't be both. Jesus didn't fib and you shouldn't either.

Love, Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh Bah, Knights of the Auto Order

Here’s the event’s Facebook Event page
The Auto Body Experience is still trying to sell you their CDs and T-Shirts: www.autobodyexperience.com

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