The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present: The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #112, April 2013

Art Linkletter used to say that “kids say the darnedest things.” While I know that’s true, I also know where kids learn those things.

Sometimes it’s all context. Tonight Becca overheard me raising my voice with Erik, our seven-year-old: “Erik, give me the finger!” As she was in the next room, she didn’t realize that Erik was hitting Peter with a giant foam hand, which says “Go Twins” on the prominently extended index finger.

That finger gesture, and the frequently accompanied chant “we’re number one,” has always struck the child in me as being very vulnerable to mockery. If I were to hear an opposing team chant that, I’d be tempted to reply “And number two!,” perhaps while displaying a picture of a toilet or outhouse.

Speaking of number two and questionable taste, Peter, our 4-year old, has begun to create his own song parodies. His first example sounded just like the Monkees theme, except it was whispered: “Here we come, walkin’ down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet, hey hey, we’re the ninjas…” I thought the whispering part was pretty clever. Not the kind of clever that makes others parents feel bad in comparison (like the neighbor kid who is playing Bach on his Suzuki violin at age 3), but just plain fun-clever.

His second parody was inspired by all the Star Wars–themed Easter treats the bunny left him. Really. He picked up his storm trooper armor-wearing chocolate bunny and began singing (to the Darth Vader theme): "hop hop hop, hop hop-hop, hop hop-hop…"

As far as adults go, with the exception of Weird Al, my idea of a gentleman is a guy who thinks up song parodies, but doesn’t perform them. I still think my best (unperformed) parody idea was “Sequined Asian Man,” about a Korean guy who “Doesn’t sing like Elvis but somehow he thinks he can…” but that didn’t stop me from singing “All I need is an albino squirrel” (to the tune of Van Halen’s “Beautiful Girls”) when I saw a pigmentation-poor rodent in the back yard this morning.

I should eventually tie this in with an upcoming gig, right? On Friday, May 10, the Auto Body Experience will transform O’Gara’s back into a garage for an EARLY SHOW. Five bucks buys you two sets of Auto Body music, from 8:00-11:00 PM. While the closest we’ll get to song parody that night will likely my feverish attempts to fill space as the lyrics to my own songs escape me, we still expect the result will be fun. If things ever get slow, we’ll give Kent a mic and let him go all “colorful” on you. He can say the darnedest things too, especially when ten inches of wet snow falls on April 19, and again on April 22.

Love, Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh Bah, Knights of the Auto Order

O’Gara’s can be found at 164 N Snelling Ave. in Saint Paul: 651-644-3333 /
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Oddly enough, the Auto Body Experience is still trying to sell you their CDs and T-Shirts:

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