The Ministry of Cropaganda Proudly Presents the Official Newsletter of The Knights of The Auto Order:
Volume II, Number 7 The Auto Body Estimate Episode XXIX, Dec 1991
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I was lying around the other day trying to devise a way to avoid work for the rest of my life, and I wasn't coming up with anything new, so I resorted to an old standby; sue somebody. The best target I could come up with was School District #119 (Duluth, Minnesota) for trauma they inflicted upon me which has adversely affected my ability to acclimate and earn a decent living.

During my first day of Kindergarten, the teacher, Mrs. Leopard, had me lie down on a piece of paper, and one of my classmates traced a line around me with a crayon. What was this woman thinking? Was she trying to prepare me for the certainty that I would soon die a violent death? The image haunts me to this day.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Mrs. Leopard also soured me on the entire educational system. One day she asked; "Who wants to go to the laboratory?" Naturally, I shot my hand in the air, envisioning mad scientists with vial, frothing liquids in test tubes, etc... After a quick walk down the hall I was deposited in the boys' room! Like the reality of the "Become a Court Reporter" ads on TV, I had been promised a throne and given the crapper. Perhaps this crushing disappointment associated with the latrine led to my fascination with toilet humor, causing me to write goofy songs which real artists like Kenny Rogers will never record, and forcing me to live an impoverished life in squalor.

On a related subject, I thought things were turning around for me the other day when I received a nice compliment; someone said I was scatological. I figured that made me a scatologist, and decided I had either just been complimented on my jazzy scat-singing or I'd become some kind of well-paid scientist. However, it turns out they meant I'm "preoccupied with humor referring to excrement or the obscene". I guess I'm just trying to be the life of the potty.

Sometimes I feel like I should end my monologues like a tainted Garrison Keillor: "And that's all the news from Love Canal..." Anyway, this month's hidden agenda is to promote a big gig we have coming up. The Auto Body Experience will headline at the Cabooze on Thursday, Jan 9th. Since those tumbleweeds can really get to whipping around in there when it's empty, we'd sure appreciate your attendance. Plus the other two bands, Reynold's Remarkable Rhythm Cattle and E B Da, are real swell and we can watch them together and discuss which tunes the Experience will play. For a preview, you can catch us on My Town, shown on Minneapolis cable 33 at 10 PM, Tuesday the 7th as well as every other Tuesday in Jan. It will also be shown on St. Paul cable 33 on Fridays at 9 PM starting around the 17th and going into February. So make your New Year's resolution to come and see us, then come and see us, and consequently be done with that nonsense for a year.

Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh-Bah, Knights of The Auto Order