The Ministry of Cropaganda Proudly Presents the Official Newsletter of The Knights of The Auto Order:
Volume II, Number 5 The Auto Body Estimate Episode XXVII, Oct 1991

As I often recount in introducing our Polka Medley of Led Zeppelin tunes, one of my part-time jobs involves playing music at wedding receptions. Recently, I had the great fortune of booking a gig for a couple in St. Cloud, Minnesota who desired a specific tune. Now, requesting that "special song" is a common practice, but their choice of a Lynyrd Skynyrd number seemed a sentiment unique to Stearns County, a place where Bruce Springsteen, The London Philharmonic, even Jesus himself would receive shouted requests for "Freebird". So it wasn't the band that struck me as odd so much as the particular tune, "Gimme Three Steps", a tale of a .44-toting jealous redneck cuckold. Now that's as close to pure poetry as it gets up there. When I get married, I'm sure I'll want the cornerstones of my marriage to be infidelity and gunplay.

Having mentioned areas of interbreeding, Holly and I took a trip to Wisconsin last month and we were amazed at the abundance of plastic yard decorations we discovered there: donkey flower carts, elves, flamingos, deer, nativity scenes, and the works. This all struck me as Wisconsin's variation on the chicken/ egg dilemma: Which came first; abundant lawn ornaments or a high incidence of alcoholism and suicide?

Some folks have asked me about the origin of the band's name. Well, it has to do with an entomological mishap. While I was working a temp job at the Como Zoo, we unexpectedly ran out of food for the aardvark. So a Germanic co-worker and I made a trip to The Minnesota Zoo and bought the first bunch of ants they offered. Unbeknownst to us, the ants we purchased were of a variety which has sharp points sticking off their heads, which they use for spearing and stealing the eggs of other insects. Unfortunately, these ants actually got stuck in the throat of the aardvark, who required emergency surgery, so as you can imagine, there was hell to pay in the department. When the finger was pointed my way, I defensively hollered:

"Otto bought the egg-spearing ants!"

Speaking of "little jokes", I was saddened to hear of Pee Wee Herman's recent brush with the law, although I've read that he was trying to phase himself out of the kiddie show-image. Perhaps he should kick-off this new leg of his career with a name change, something more mature, like: Pee Wee Herman Mellencamp.

After the "egg-spearing'-stinker, it's doubtful that any readers would actually heed my advice, but here's our "Wreck-O-Mended" gig anyway: Sunday, October 13 at the 400 Bar. This will be our first three set gig, so you can expect lotsa new tunes, including: Ambition (which concerns a youngster who dreams of being a temp when he grows up), Two Guys on Bicycles (where the protagonist is pursued by these fellows with ties & white shirts), and many, many more. So whether you come early or late, we'll be playing in the homey atmosphere of the 400, a place we'd like to frequent, so we'd really appreciate your attendance. Thanks!

Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh-Bah, Knights of The Auto Order

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