Tom Fixed His Spit Valve Spring

In the winter of 02 we played a gig up Lake Anoka
A savage crowd demanded both Herb Alpert and some Polka
While setting up our gear we discovered something tragic
Tom’s trusty horn had broken: we had no trumpet magic

Trumpets have spit valves - they control the flow of spit
When the valve is open the trumpet sounds like [insert bad sound]
The valve is kept held shut by a tiny metal spring
The damage done in transit proved to be this very thing

But none of us were trained in the art of fixing horns
And with panic on the rise, our membership was torn
Now some said stay and play: but others said haul ass – ‘cause they’d
Stuff us thru their ice fish holes if we played without that brass

Then Tom became a cross between McGyver and ET
From beneath the shortest table leg he pulled an AOL CD
He found a touch-screen cash register in a closet full of tables
And wired in his cell phone with an extra speaker cable

He coaxed this junk to surf the web and found a trumpet fixing site, where
He read that with some duct tape his horn could make it through the night
Born of GameBoy geekdom rose this trumpet fixing king
And so it came to pass - Tom fixed his spit valve spring

chorus: Oh yeah, Tom fixed his spit valve spring [x4]

The Anokians rejoiced as we played “A Taste Of Honey”
The owner of the bar gave us barrels full of money
Tom left the room on shoulders with a makeshift cape and crown - the moral?
“Don’t let the little springs in life get you drowned”

[chorus]

Words and music by Scott Yoho ©2005 Auto Order Music (BMI)


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