The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present: The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #83, June 2008

Remember biorhythms? If, like me, youíve owned 8-track tapes, you may recall the concept: your physical, emotional and intellectual health individually ebb and flow on predictable cycles that can be charted as three intersecting sine waves. While generally regarded as Ď70s pseudoscience, biorhythms appeal to me: I donít doubt for a minute that various aspects of your psyche continually ebb and flow. The only part I have difficulty accepting is that anyone (let alone a machine in an arcade) can predict these rhythms any more accurately than next monthís weather or your spouseí response to a household appliance as a birthday gift.

Letís see Ė vacuum cleaner: bad, food processor: good Ė as long as its fancy. Right?

My thoughts recently turned to biorhythms as an explanation of why there are certain times when I canít get anyone to return my phone calls or emails. Just like the office photocopier that senses when my panic level is high (typically when Iím late for a big wig meeting and need to print several large documents) and chooses this time to malfunction, some days it seems like every message I put out there is interpreted as coming from a needy, reclusive elephant man anxiously searching for a date to the big dance.

Itís like Iím a kid all over again, Iím playing hide and seek, and no one is looking for me.

Again.

Iíve recently stumbled upon Charles Fort. Heís a guy who, in the first half of the twentieth century, documented newspaper reports of strange phenomenon like frogs raining from the sky. (The 1999 film Magnolia incorporated many Fortean references.) Hereís Wikipediaís effort to summarize Fortís main spiel: ďPeople with a psychological need to believe in marvels are no more prejudiced and gullible than people with a psychological need not to believe in marvels." So, whether you believe that frogs only fall from the sky in the imaginations of others, or as the result of strange winds, or because of some occult influence, youíll embrace only the evidence you encounter that supports your belief. Sort of like once you decide on a particular presidential candidate, you begin to consider everyone who criticizes him/her a crack pot.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. Maybe itís just my insecurity that leads me to the hypothesis that that no one WANTS to return my messages. Perhaps there are other hypotheses that are equally valid, and Iím subconsciously ignoring the evidence that points to them. Perhaps everyone Iíve tried to contact has actually mysteriously disappeared (as a result of strange winds), or is unable to respond having recently been pummeled by a deluge of really large frogs.

Which brings me to the real reason for my note Ė I have good news. Iíve temporarily suspended my disbelief to chart out YOUR biorhythms! Whatís more Iíve determined that the weekend of June 13 and 14 would be the perfect time for YOU to enjoy the off-kilter music of the Auto Body Experience. And so Iíve booked not one, but two gigs, to ensure that at least one will accommodate your schedule.

On Friday, June 13, weíre back at the Minneapolis Eagles Club. You know the drill: no cover, free parking, and friendly folks. Weíll start a little after 9:00 PM and play two sets lovingly crafted just for this night. Then, on Saturday morning, June 14 weíll play a free set at the Stone Arch Festival of the Arts. Located on the Minneapolis Riverfront District at St. Anthony Main, the festival boasts loads of music, art, and food. We'll be on the Star Tribune Stage (in Father Hennepin Park) from 10:45 to 11:30 AM. Can Kent and Lars both show up for such an early gig? On the right day? Come and find out!

The bad news? Your biorhythms donít look so good immediately after that. So the bandís taking the month of July off completely. Hopefully weíll return in August. Letís just close our eyes and imagine a picture of a phoenix, next to a unicorn, in front of a rainbow, all decoupaged on a piece of polished wood, framed with deer horns and waiting for you at a roadside attraction near the Wisconsin Dells.

Happy summer,
Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh Bah, Knights of the Auto Order

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