The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present: The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #66, November 2005
Daycare is expensive. It would be cheaper to make monthly payments on a brand new Hummer and keep the thing running (with the heater on) all day (even at 2005 gas prices). While I think that’d offer a child plenty of safe, climate-controlled room to play or nap in, Becca reminds me that human interaction is a vital part of daycare. So, faced with the fact that two-month old Erik will soon be requiring these services (as Becca returns to work), I began to scheme.
My first plan was this – let’s lie about Erik’s age, adding five years, and enroll him in first grade, but as a “special needs” student. That way the school officials would have to find a way to take care of him properly and the state would foot the bill! Genius! While I remain convinced that’s a viable strategy, Becca intervened, reminding me that taking advantage of anything the state might provide for special needs kids would fall extremely low on the morality ladder – even for a “rock musician”.
While rarely hampered by morality, I had to agree with Becca on this one. While it’s the American way to try to appropriate anything you can from government coffers, funds earmarked for people who really need it ought to be off-limits. A better plan would involve taking money away from weasels.
In my modified plan I add 35 years to Erik’s age, and have him run for a seat in the state house or senate. Not only would his annual salary of $31,140 be enough to hire some kick-butt daycare, he might also lend an air of maturity and serenity to either state legislative body.
Could he win? Well, he’s never run a red light, cheated on his wife, raised taxes, or done anything else objectionable outside the confines of his own, very private diaper. While there isn’t any precedent for someone so pure winning any election -- anywhere -- he certainly would be difficult to defeat with attack ads (provided we could keep the whole age issue under wraps).
Once in office, would he be accepted by his constituents? He certainly has some things going for him: he’d never switch political parties after elections, and he wouldn’t be swayed by any known lobbying tactics. Ultimately, his popularity would likely be decided by the level of optimism in the populace: you could choose to concentrate on the fact that he’d never vote for any bill you oppose, or you could dwell on the fact that he’d never vote for any bill you supported.
Would his peers in the house or senate approve of him? As I’ve mentioned, he’s never run a red light, cheated on his wife, raised taxes, or done anything else objectionable outside the confines of his own, very private diaper. So I don’t think they’d have any common experiences to share, but he is darn cute and loveable, so you never know.
If, like us, you’re scheming to make financial ends meet AND are looking for family-friendly fun, we have a perfect gig for you on Tuesday, November 15. We’re playing, for free, at the Minnesota Convention Center from 5:00 to 7:00 PM. It’s part of the American Institute of Architects convention. Details at http://www.aia-mn.org/convention.cfm
Speaking of cost-effective family fun, don’t forget that Auto Body Experience CDs make perfect Holiday gifts, at least according to me. You can buy all Auto Body CDs directly from us, even with a credit card. To do so go to www.autobodyexperience.com and hit the Buy Stuff link (where you also arrange to mail us a check if you're "kicking it old school"), or go directly to http://users.aol.com/autobodyx/buystuff/paypal.htm
Select Auto Body Experience titles are also available at local Cheapos and Electric Fetus stores, CDBaby.com, towerrecords.com, bestbuy.com, amazon.com and from the iTunes music store.
And on that note of crass commercialism and shameless self-promotion, I wish you all a very happy holiday season!
Love, Scott Yoho and the Auto Body ExperienceReturn the Estimate Index...