The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present: The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #50, June 2002
While I was horrified and greatly saddened by the events of 9/11, I can't say that nothing could have shocked me more. Had I been asked, in high school, whether it was more likely that The Eagles and Eric Clapton would someday record acoustic lounge versions of Hotel California and Layla, or that highjackers might crash planes into the World Trade Center, I would have picked the latter. Despite this skill at prophesy, despite being attracted to anyone with the title of "Intern", and despite the fact that I haven't shown exceptional aptitude in anything else, it may be surprising to some that I haven't made any attempts to become a world leader - yet.
Those who yearn to be a U. S. President may believe that achieving that position would fulfill them in their worldly existence. Personally, my life would be complete with the release of a health study linking booming bass car stereos with impotence.
On the subject of childish behavior, one 1990’s bestseller suggested that everything worth knowing was taught in kindergarten. This seems reasonable to me. A great amount of grief could be avoided if everyone obeyed chestnuts like: "Share the milk and cookies”, and “Don't look up the teacher's skirt”. In part because killing people has never struck me as a very adult response to anything, I propose that we apply the rules of children to world politics. When I was little and fought over a toy with a playmate, some wise adult would invariably step in to take the toy in question away from us both. As I doubt the Israelis and Palestinians will ever agree on thin crust verses pan, let alone share their land nicely, perhaps neither should have the Gaza Strip.
Along the same lines, when two classmates aggravated each other, an astute teacher would separate these students by seating them in opposite ends of the room. Applying this rule, and using my notoriously unreliable web searches for population figures, I propose that the Israelis swap places with the Catholics in Northern Ireland, and the Palestinians trade homes with the Basque separatists in Spain. "Want something to cry about?" Mom asked, picking up the wooden spoon: "I'll give you something to cry about!"
I realize that some of you will find my grasp of world politics to be childish, insensitive, and downright offensive - and it is to you I direct my comments. YOU can keep me out of politics simply by supporting my rock band. If our performances are well attended, my rock star fantasies will live on, and I won't quit the band to join the campaign trail.
Your first opportunity is coming up soon: on Thursday, June 6 the Auto Body Experience will be performing at O'Gara's, located at Snelling and Selby in St. Paul. We’ll start at 9:00 PM followed by A Band Called Delicious. It’s a nice room, has free parking, and the cover is $3. On Saturday, July 13th, we'll play a set at the Sartell Middle School starting shortly after 8:00 PM. The event celebrates the start of the Habitat 500 bike ride; our trumpeter Tom Twiss, myself, and 100 others will pedal 500 miles the following week to raise money for Habitat For Humanity. It’s free admission to all ages and close to St. Cloud. If you'd like more details about either gig, please let me know.
-Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh Bah, The Auto Body Experience
PS: Please note we have a new email address: firstname.lastname@example.org
Would you like more info on the Habitat 500 bike ride? Check out http://www.habitat500.org
Thursday, June 6 at O’Gara’s Garage - Snelling and Selby, St. Paul. We'll play a long set starting at 9:00PM. Contact O'Gara's at: 651-644-3333 or email@example.com
Saturday, July 13 at the Sartell Middle School playing for the participants of the Habitat 500 bike ride. We'll play a shorter set starting shortly after 8:00 PM – contact us for details.Return the Estimate Index...