The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present:
The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #30, April '97
I was on the phone at work last week, and when I heard the voice mail message, I knew the company I'd called must be in Quebec, as everything was spoken first in French, and then in English. This was fine. However, after I was prompted to press 1 if I spoke English, the subsequent messages were still in both French and English. I've heard there's a law in Quebec that any sign in English must also contain the French equivalent, and with the same sized letters, too. This is not limited to road signs: we're talking about all signs: inside churches, MacDonalds, adult movie theatres, etc... Apparantly similar laws apply to voicemail as well. Of course in France, they've made it a law that at least 50% of the music played on the radio be French. Have you ever heard French rock music? Think of your high school glee club doing a medley of Zeppelin tunes to a piano accompaniment, and you're close.
I know that picking on the French is easier than hitting your toes with a bowling ball, and beneath even me, but geeze, the Spanish don't do this, the Greeks don't do this, the Italians, Russians, and Germans don't do this: I figure it's time to retaliate in a similarly stupid fashion: let's purge English of all silly French words. No more worries about spelling rendezvous, soufflé, or menage a trois: we'll just call 'em what they really are: a meeting, a hot dish, and a wet dream. Haven't you always felt a little weird pronouncing croissant? If you say it in a nasal Frenchy way you sound like a conceited jerk, and if you don't, and you're at Napoleons in St. Paul, they ignore you. From now on, it's a twisty damn biscuit! I feel better already! A faux pas is, and always has been a mistake. Déjà vu is an encouraging sign that your Alzheimer's could be even worse. You get the idea.
Here's the big news. The Auto Body Experience will play two sets, on a Saturday night (April 12th), at First Avenue. Really. The catch? This particular First Avenue is a bar in Fargo, ND. Next we'll warm up Moxy Fruvous (They're from Canada, I know, AND they're really good: hopefully they haven't begun performing half their set in French) at The Fine Line on Tuesday April 15, where we'll actually start playing at 8:30 so come down EARLY! Then we're off to the Cabooze on Thursday, April 17 where we'll play a little longer set between Tubby Esquire and The Sandwiches. To commemorate this grueling schedule, we've made up some Spring Tour '97 T-shirts with a photo on the front, and the tour dates on the back. Attend all 3 shows and the shirt's free; any 2 shows and it's half off. Each gig will feature the Car Horns, new music, and the promise of a soirée, er, fête, ah, I mean shindig.
-Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh-Bah, Knights of The Auto OrderReturn the Estimate Index...