The Ministry of Cropaganda Presents the Official Newsletter of The Knights of The Auto Order
Volume II, Number 21 The Auto Body Estimate Epsd. XXXXIII, July '95
The big news is that our new CD, Smash Hits is not only completed, but there's hundreds of them under my bed as I write this. As of today you can order them directly from me, find them in many fine stores, or look forward to purchasing them at one of our upcoming gigs. Our CD release party will be at The Cabooze on Thursday, Aug. 3rd. In addition to some fabulous "special guests to be announced" (does anyone know where I can hire a poodle show?), the evening will also include a reunion of The Crops, a group of some renown which I played in during the Nixon Administration. Music fans familiar with The Crops may be interested to hear that everyone but Randy (who I believe is playing the Montana State Fair) will be there. Also, two Crops songs were recently featured on an Atomic Theory Records CD sampler, which'll be available at the show!
Those of you who've been eagerly awaiting the release of "Smash Hits" will testify that I don't always get things done in the most timely manner. When I was in the 8th grade, Bonny Stresemann devastated me before the entire class when she remarked: "Hey, those are the same socks you wore yesterday!" (I guess her hypothesis was formed by the fact that they didn't match.) The sad part is that the appropriate reply didn't occur to me until my senior year: "That's nothing, guess how long I've been wearing these briefs!"
I mention my slow reaction time to fend off anticipated criticism of the untimely nature of the following inspirations. I had meant to send a letter to Rolling Stone congratulating The Red Hot Chili Peppers for transcending their genre and writing a socially conscious song, one not about braggadocio or lust, but instead about feeding the hungry of the world. What's more, I wanted to commend many fine radio stations for actually playing this song. You may have heard the lyric: "What I got you gotta get it put it in you - take it away, take it away, take it away, take it away now!"
I was also inspired enough by the Pee Wee Herman scandal a few years back to nearly write a song about it. I felt that an adult movie theater was one of the more appropriate venues to do that which he was ostracized for. What are people supposed to do at these places anyway; contemplate deconstructionist theories of contemporary Czech cinema? The title of the song was the problem - I couldn't get past calling it "Pee Wee Got The Shaft".
The final two belated enterprises are thankfully a departure from the ribald humor demonstrated above (which may be partially explained by my recent return to bachelor-dom). The first of which is a song-in-progress about Mr. Potato Head. It seems that the anti-smoking lobby got Hasbro to cave in and deprive Mr. Potato Head the pleasure of his pipe. This struck me as a perfect example of being a little too sensitive, and excellent lyric fodder, but the song's not done yet and this took place in 1987. My final "Tribute to Tardiness" is an interactive Auto Body Experience multi-media presentation for the Macintosh! Currently this has some interactive elements, info about the band and our recordings, over two minutes of music, and a CarTune/slide show; and it all fits onto one HD disk! I had really hoped to get it done before I mailed this letter out, but it's pretty close so here's the deal: send me a high density disk in a S.A.S.E. and I'll send it to you free within a few weeks. You could also e-mail me at AutoBodyX@aol.com and I'll tell you how to download it. You could ask for one for your PC too, but this will require even more patience...
Just a few more thoughts and I'll let you go. I wonder if there's something like a convention of military preachers; I figure they must congregate to discuss the difficulties of combining Christian beliefs and a military life. My question is: do you think they could be led in a rousing chorus of We Are The Chaplains? What about reunions of the Little Tramp's relatives? And finally, an idea that seemed profound when it came to me drinking beer last fourth of July, but now seems best suited to the pages of Reader's Digest: "Fireworks are like people, the loudest ones aren't necessarily the brightest." I hope to see you soon.
Love, Scott Yoho, Grand Pooh-Bah, Knights of The Auto OrderReturn the Estimate Index...