The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present: The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #110, December 2012
Erik, my seven-year-old, is very interested in magic. He’s brought books on Houdini home from the library, and he's been learning tricks from a magic set we bought at a yard sale.
Like most kids, Erik is choosy about where he applies his prodigious talents. He is expected to tie his shoes, but he's less interested in this than he is in magic. If I were a clever parent, I might try to leverage his fascination with Houdini into an interest in tying and untying knots (and shoelaces). Unfortunately, Erik outsmarted me and beat me to the marketing punch. As he was showing me his technique for slipping lace-up tennies on and off without re-tying, he announced: "I'm gonna be like Houdini! I don't even have to tie. I can do this with just about any shoe!"
What's even more frightening is that three-year old Peter learns every trick Erik conjures – only at an even younger age.
I also marvel at Erik's ability to assemble Lego kits. They come with directions in the form of pictograms, without text, that he easily follows. Being a fan of conspiracy theories, I'm beginning to suspect that the Lego company may be up to something with this. I was thinking that perhaps there's an evil, covert plan in place, training all these kids to be a future army of – something builders – I don't know.
Then it hit me. They're training children – across the world – to buy and assemble Ikea furniture. Lego is just a gateway, making sure that the consumers of tomorrow will always feel a strange unexplained sense of nostalgia (rather than Gen X frustration) as they assemble flat pack furniture. It makes perfect sense: Both Ikea and Lego have home offices near the Baltic Sea, and they both have those nonsensical four-letter names. Like Yoho. Perhaps it’s time to move the home office.
Here's another conspiracy theory: some believe that the Auto Body Experience only books gigs in December as an excuse to promote their CDs and T-shirts as holiday gifts. Absurd, isn't it?
By the way, the Auto Body Experience is playing a cool new place in Minneapolis on Friday, December 7 (a day that will live in infamy…). It's called the Crooked Pint Ale House, and it's so nice you might find yourself wondering whether having us there isn’t the result of some clerical error (or magical sleight of hand). We'll play an entire evening of music starting at 10 PM. The event will serve as a combination gig and band holiday party, so please join us for the fun!
Oddly enough, our CDs and T-Shirts do make excellent holiday gifts. Reveal the details here: www.autobodyexperience.com/buystuff/buystuff.htm
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