The Knights of the Auto Order Proudly Present: The Auto Body Estimate: Vol. II, #103, January 2011
We all know about the Tom Larson clock adjustment technique. This is where you set the clock ahead, and try to forget that you have, in an effort to trick yourself into being on time. If you rely ONLY on your personal watch/phone for the time, this can sometimes help, although heaven help you if you ever see the real time and forget to recalculate. [Cue ark-opening scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark.]
Sometimes, however, you need time to stretch in two different directions. Our boys don't easily fall asleep, nor stay in bed as long as we'd like. Any little thing we can do to help them sleep longer pays dividends in quiet time for grown-ups and the pleasant behavior of well-rested kids. Setting the clock in their room ahead a few minutes could help at bedtime ("Look at the time! You are up soo late!") but when they're forbidden to get out of bed before the clock reads 6:00 AM, this adjustment works against us on the other end.
To address this conundrum, I've invented the "WiggleRoom Clock." You configure it to be X minutes fast until some point (Midnight, for example) and then it jumps back to Y minutes behind. Genius!
Now I know that some parent groups will complain that this teaches kids that grownups are dishonest, but the truth is: WE ARE!
My other invention this week was an irony-based performance art installation. My plan was to set up a car, with several triathlete bumper stickers proudly displayed, to continually circle the grocery store parking lot (presumably looking for a parking spot closer to the door). Unfortunately I think someone beat me to the idea.
Believe it or not, my income as an inventor is not yet sustaining my family, so it's a good thing the Auto Body Experience has a gig.
Please join us at the Minneapolis Eagles Club #34 (2507 E 25th St, Minneapolis: 612-729-4469) on Friday, February 4. We'll debut some new Auto Body music and discover from Tom Twiss whether spit valves work differently in the southern hemisphere. Cover is $5. As usual, we'll play two sets starting around 8 PM.
Hey, I wonder if that's 8 PM BAR TIME. You know bar time, right? Where they set the clock ahead 15 minutes so that no one is served after the legal hour? Hey, maybe I could market a variation on the WiggleRoom clock to bar owners. Let's think of how that might work.
I could rebrand it a JiggleRoom clock for gentlemen's club. But I digress. With current bar time, bands who follow the bar's clock start later and end later. If a bar owner used a WiggleRoom clock he could get musicians -- and other employees -- to start earlier and end later for the same money! Wait, that's no good! No!
Oh, my God, now I know how the folks on the Manhattan Project felt: WHAT IF THIS FALLS INTO THE WRONG HANDS?
Well that certainly ups the ante. (Sorry uncles!) Because this inventing business doesn't seem to be panning out, we'd be extra appreciative if you could join us for the February 4th show. If the crowd outnumbers the bar staff, perhaps we can overpower them, rush the office, and scribble "Auto Body Experience" all over the 2011 booking calendar.Return the Estimate Index...